i'm sorry, what?

Today, 3 people all said the same thing to me: You should date and meet someone and make babies

I beg your pardon?
I'm cool with just me.

My dear friend is marvoulously in love, so now she's after me to start dating
I said, Why is it not ok that I'm happy by myself, it that wrong?
She said, yes, you should be with someone, start dating
OH,
I should start DATING,
I thought,
all this time,
everyone has been telling me to start RATING,
which is why I'm so critical with I go out with men
He's a 2
He was 7
He's more of a 4.5 who thinks he's a 9.5, which really makes him a 3.87

Another dear friend, we'll call him Ceasar, whom I hold dear to my heart and gladly accept his wisdom, and I chatted about this just this evening.....
Ceasar : fuck people telling you to date
ever so eloquent
Ceasar : you know what happened to me today?
Ceasar : my mom
Ceasar : IMs me
Ceasar : she just got back form a massage
Ceasar : and thinks
Ceasar : hey, I should hook up my massuese (in NC) with Ceasar
Ceasar : so she gets the womans e-mail addy
Ceasar : and makes me promise to write her
SIEIRO : NO! that's me
Ceasar : WTF?
SIEIRO : OMG
Ceasar : the woman is almost 40 and has 2 kids

integrity finally overcame desire

i went to see ani difranco tonight at wolftrap. holy crap, i love her! she's amazing. i went with my friend haley; we've been to several shows together (we think we're up to 4 now). it's become our little annual "date" night. her friend kim met us there tonight - first time we've had another person join us. it was so much fun. i'm going to miss going to see ani with her. she's trying to get into the peace corps right now. i think it will be at least 8 months before she's got an appointment, but i'll be in chicago, so we're not sure about catching another show.

before i get too carried away...erin mckeown opened. she was fabulous. she did a solo set for about 30-40 minutes. she came in at the end of ani's show and performed "32 flavors" with ani. she's incredibly talented!

so, the title of this blog is from a song i'd never heard by ani - i assume it's a new one. the chorus was about finding a book given to her by a former flame and wanting to throw it away, but realizing the value of the book. i'm kind of in the middle of crap like that. not that my exes have been all that generous, but i'm trying to get rid of so much, i'm sure i'm also trying to throw away any evidence that they existed.

for now the culling through belongings has ceased. i'm off to florida tomorrow to go see my baby (check out the zarniverse...pictures of my baby in the pool with her mommy and daddy will be posted soon). packing sucks and i'm no good at packing all of my belongings. i want to leave so much behind, but i also don't want to lose anything.

i'm not sure what to do sometimes. i'm having a hard time right now, like i usually do when my life is being uprooted. being single, i realize that i am no one's first choice. i'll never be that. it hurts sometimes because i just want to know that my family and friends love me. sometimes i feel like i have to be chosen over everything else for that to be true. but then, everyone i know has someone or something they would chose over me. so it's never going to happen that way. i hate that feeling. i actually really like being single. i'm always much healthier single than in a relationship, so i don't know why it makes me sad. but it does.

bleck. enough of that crap. so my new favorite musical obsession is gavin degraw. my favorite line (from "meaning") is "sometimes the only way is jumping, i hope you're not afraid of heights".

back to ani...she's totally into this nuclear political thing right now. i'm terribly a-political, so it's hard for me to get excited about stuff like that. but she talked about going to senators' offices and getting the same crap line..."the senator really doesn't have that much power". then she said "it turns out we, the people, have the power". ok, not political me, but totally loving her for that statement. don't ever forget that you have power. especially when you unite for a cause.

she did some phenomenal spoken-word pieces. this woman is my absolute idol. she started as a wee (she's just 5 ft tall) 18 or 19 year old trying to make as a musician and she's now (i think) a 32-year old queen of her own domain. she's the epitome of indie. she just kept recording, producing, and publishing her own music and has built this following that is truly amazing. she's done it all on her own drive without some record company with crap-loads of money and media control backing her. i love that. there it is; the power of the indiviual in this great country.

ok...time for bed.

i have the chair!

in a major coup, i have finally gain ownership of the beloved chair. yesterday i was supposed to be going to vb to see dad and pick up his futon for my new studio apartment (aka - melissa's chicago couch and coffee). he called me on wednesday and said, "i guess you don't have room for THE CHAIR, so i'm not sure what to do with it" "I'LL TAKE THE CHAIR" "are you sure you can fit it with the futon?" "CHAIR YES, FUTON NO".

let me explain...this is the COOLEST chair in the world. my parents got this chair back before they had me, and i think before they had the original center of the zarniverse (3.5 yrs older than me) along with a 7-ft tuxedo sofa. it was blue and green swirly crazy 70's print. unfortunately they decided to get "nice" furniture at some point, so the couch had to go, but not the chair. the chair got to be re-upholstered in beige-on-dark-beige check print.

the chair spent some time with the brotherman until he decided he didn't have room in his bedroom for it. then, it spent some time with the flea. then it spent some time in the den (as charlie's favorite seat - 50 lbs of black mutt curled up on the chair was a great site!). during it's time in the den, many sat in the chair and loved the chair. after charlie passed, the brotherman brought home mischka.

mischka was about 5 lbs when he came home. his favorite game was to run full tilt under the chair. then he started to grow (about 5 lbs/week). it didnt' take long until running full tilt at the chair resulted in smashed head or stuck under the chair.

the chair retained it's place of prominence after mom passed and even after dad moved. but it was always a source of contention from the day it moved from the brotherman's room "i'm getting the chair when i move out." "you gave up the chair, it is mine." the battle has raged for almost 10-years.

how could i POSSIBLY say no to the chair???? victory is mine, miNE, MINE!!!!

(pictures will be posted of the chair)

if you have any poop, fling it now!

i think that is my new favorite movie quote. i went to to see madagascar yesterday with francesca and sofia. sofia turned 5 yesterday. she is SUCH a diva.

surprise! the good, the bad, and the ugly

so, tonight i was supposed to meet up with my halawah sisters to "watch a movie". they are sneaky! it was a surprise dinner gathering with dancing afterwards. my favorite dancing girls and the boys they are attached to. it was great. dinner and dessert and a fabulous middle eastern restaurant. great conversation. yummy food and wine. balloons! dancing plans.

and then it wasn't great. ex-boyfriends need to learn the following rules:
1) you don't exist to me. you never existed.
2) if you show up somewhere that i am, do not expect me to talk to you let alone be nice.
3) you are not allowed to look good.
4) your life is crap without me, so should you ever be seen in my presence, you should express your misery, not try to flirt with me.
5) do not give me puppy-dog eyes when trying to win my favor.

however, the good to come of that is that i finally had some closure and got to tell him a few choice words. and with the move, i probably won't have to run into him again. ever.

other than the shock of the ex-boyfriend meeting, it was quite a pleasant evening. i think i have the most wonderful friends anyone can have! i am going to be so sad to leave them. i hope they all come to visit soon. everyone keeps telling me how cool chicago is; they need to come hang out! i will post tempting pictures of my view of the lake!

alexis

so, i mentioned in a previous blog that i would have to tell you about my new friend alexis. she is so cool. i think she's like 24 or 25. i love this girl. she is such a bad-ass dancing queen. you can check out her website (www.tribalfusionbellydance.com). i met her in dance class and we just hit it off. i love meeting people and i love when you have that instant click where you know that you were meant to be friends. she's got a heart of gold and a drive like nobody's business. but i think what impresses me the most is her openness. she's going through a lot right now; partly i think it's the point she is in her life. why is that age so painful? she in the transition now from student dancer to activist and teacher. she's making great strides in creating a community - which in this area for a belly dancer can be difficult. there's so much negative energy that you have to weed through in getting the goodness out of this. which is something that is so confusing for me. dance is supposed to be about joy, right? how can you bring joy and give joy to others if you're negative?
anyway...so alexis is awesome. if you're into dance and in the dc area, you should definitely check this girl out. she's the real deal.

mmmmmuffins

cranky sleep
cranky wakeup
cranky morning
cranky coffee
ziploc with muffins
not so much the cranky

Thanks Flea!

my baby

new pictures of my baby have been posted at the Center of the Zarniverse. she's cute. i get to see her in about 2 weeks. she's so big!!!! look for changes to the Center in about 8 or 9 more months...hee hee.

in other news - i still haven't gotten my last paycheck. kind of sucks bad when you have stuff set up under the pretense that you will actually get paid. i had been lulled by direct deposit. damn! but, i did get my apartment cleaned up in time for guests to come over last night. it was cool - spa facial party. sometimes you just gotta do girly crap. now the adventure begins in earnest to organize and purge out all the unnecessary stuff. starting to freak about moving.

lu-cha-ran!!!!!!

i've realized that not enough has been said about masked wrestling recently. especially with the recent turmoil at the WB. why, oh why, did you have to remove mucha lucha from the line-up???? it was the best cartoon you had on saturday morning. xiao-lin showdown is good, but nothing compares to mini-luchadores learning their trade! plus, you could have ditched any one of the craptastic shows like pokemon or something equally lame. mucha lucha had so much more to offer - good versus evil, moral instructions, gaseous expulsions...what more, really, could one ask for? now, mucha lucha is only available on the cartoon network. great - but it sucks for those of us who don't get cable! this is a sad time for luchadores in training.

yes, i am the most sheltered person in the universe

so, i'm not working now. which means, i don't have to EVER be exposed to the news if i don't want to. and mostly, i really don't want to. i woke up late (9:30) with the intention of finishing my "bedroom organization project" (loosely translated - put away your friggin' clothes!). and i was supposed to be meeting a friend for lunch at 11:30. as with most mornings, i checked my email, trying desperately to avoid reading any of the headlines on yahoo. london bombing, blah, blah, blah. i try to avoid reading any headlines when logging in to yahoo mainly because it is about 90% of the time about someone or several someones being blown up. i tried to call my friend to make sure lunch was still on, but for some reason, my cellphone wasn't working. well, i'm a dumbass! of course it wouldn't work. not when i live right next to a huge army base and under a flight path for the airport. not when horrible things are happening in the world. i didn't even realize what actually happened until i finally got out of my apartment and was forcibly fed the news with lunch. i cannot believe that after all the pain and suffering that we put each other through that shit like this continues to happen. it is still beyond me to kill for the sake of proving your point. how exactly does that prove anything except that you know how to put explosive stuff in a package and detonate it? how does blowing up things prove that you care about your cause? how does it even indicate that you have a cause? and don't you remember, we fight back. this attack will do nothing but piss off a whole slew of folks who are coming back at you. why? why? why?

please let me go back to being sheltered from the news and having not a clue as to the goings on of the outside world!

these shoes would only cost me about $600 which is not quite a month's rent, but they are fabulous. 

stupid horoscope...

Melissa's Daily Gemini Forecast
Quickie: Don't spend too much money. Or go shopping at all. You already have great clothes.
Overview: Making your home into a nest is your primary focus, and it won't be easy to distract you. Keep in mind that sorting, fluffing and rearranging can actually be more satisfying than shopping.

except that i'm cranky because i have a cold and so much snot in my head right now that what would really make me happy is a new pair of shoes!

unemployed

it's official:

I AM NO LONGER EMPLOYED!!!!!!!!!!!

so the next few weeks are to be dedicated to organizing my life and preparing for the move. the first step of the process occurred tonight when beth and i went to see khaled in concert. OH MY! it was a fabulous show. musically as well as for people watching. i lost count of how many people jumped up on stage to hug and kiss khaled. he was great though. he bounced around dancing and laughing when he wasn't singing. and even played the piano at one point. he's awesome!!! and sweaty. he changed shirts 3 times during the show and then again to sign autographs. beth and i waited to get some stuff signed. it was cool. it took a really long time, but now i have a cheb i sabbah autograph for alexis and a signed print of khaled i think i'll give to bonita. the coup almost was...beth spied a VIP pass on the ground in front of us and snatched it. i almost got khaled to sign it for us, but he thought the marker would rub off. that's how i ended up with the print. he totally cracked up when i handed him the pass. we didn't use it for evil. we promise!

now i am sleepy. it's been a very eventful day.