integrity finally overcame desire

i went to see ani difranco tonight at wolftrap. holy crap, i love her! she's amazing. i went with my friend haley; we've been to several shows together (we think we're up to 4 now). it's become our little annual "date" night. her friend kim met us there tonight - first time we've had another person join us. it was so much fun. i'm going to miss going to see ani with her. she's trying to get into the peace corps right now. i think it will be at least 8 months before she's got an appointment, but i'll be in chicago, so we're not sure about catching another show.

before i get too carried away...erin mckeown opened. she was fabulous. she did a solo set for about 30-40 minutes. she came in at the end of ani's show and performed "32 flavors" with ani. she's incredibly talented!

so, the title of this blog is from a song i'd never heard by ani - i assume it's a new one. the chorus was about finding a book given to her by a former flame and wanting to throw it away, but realizing the value of the book. i'm kind of in the middle of crap like that. not that my exes have been all that generous, but i'm trying to get rid of so much, i'm sure i'm also trying to throw away any evidence that they existed.

for now the culling through belongings has ceased. i'm off to florida tomorrow to go see my baby (check out the zarniverse...pictures of my baby in the pool with her mommy and daddy will be posted soon). packing sucks and i'm no good at packing all of my belongings. i want to leave so much behind, but i also don't want to lose anything.

i'm not sure what to do sometimes. i'm having a hard time right now, like i usually do when my life is being uprooted. being single, i realize that i am no one's first choice. i'll never be that. it hurts sometimes because i just want to know that my family and friends love me. sometimes i feel like i have to be chosen over everything else for that to be true. but then, everyone i know has someone or something they would chose over me. so it's never going to happen that way. i hate that feeling. i actually really like being single. i'm always much healthier single than in a relationship, so i don't know why it makes me sad. but it does.

bleck. enough of that crap. so my new favorite musical obsession is gavin degraw. my favorite line (from "meaning") is "sometimes the only way is jumping, i hope you're not afraid of heights".

back to ani...she's totally into this nuclear political thing right now. i'm terribly a-political, so it's hard for me to get excited about stuff like that. but she talked about going to senators' offices and getting the same crap line..."the senator really doesn't have that much power". then she said "it turns out we, the people, have the power". ok, not political me, but totally loving her for that statement. don't ever forget that you have power. especially when you unite for a cause.

she did some phenomenal spoken-word pieces. this woman is my absolute idol. she started as a wee (she's just 5 ft tall) 18 or 19 year old trying to make as a musician and she's now (i think) a 32-year old queen of her own domain. she's the epitome of indie. she just kept recording, producing, and publishing her own music and has built this following that is truly amazing. she's done it all on her own drive without some record company with crap-loads of money and media control backing her. i love that. there it is; the power of the indiviual in this great country.

ok...time for bed.